““Accidents don’t just happen, they’re caused.””
The instructions are clear and simple. Keep your eyes on the road. Apparently, they’re also hard to follow. It’s reported that nearly 3,000 people are killed and upwards of 400,000 people are injured each year due to distracted driving. Although safety should always be our top priority when operating a motor vehicle, maintaining our focus and attention on any single task, no matter how important, has become increasingly difficult.
Stay in your lane
For the last 70 years, one tool that the Federal Highway Safety Administration has been using to alert distracted drivers and prevent accidents is the installation of rumble strips. We’ve all experienced them. The sound and vibration they cause when we allow our tires to veer too far toward the edge of the roadway are unmistakable. Instantly we’re jolted into remembering those simple instructions: Keep your eyes on the road!
According to a Department of Transportation study, installation of rumble strips has been linked to significant reductions in both the frequency and severity of accidents, including:
a 50 percent reduction in head-on crashes
a 46 percent reduction in run-off-the-road crashes
a 51 percent reduction in fatal crashes
a 41 percent reduction in incapacitating injury crashes.
Basically, rumble strips don’t just work, they work really well! They can be the difference between your car being upside down in a ditch and making it safely to your destination.
Relationship Rumble Strips
In the same way that rumble strips on our roads keep us from falling asleep at the wheel or veering off the road, installing rumble strips in your relationship can keep you and your partner centered on a path toward relational health. Relational rumble strips allow us to catch and correct issues early. While at times we may find our relationship swerving over the lines, if caught while we’re still on the road we can get back to where we need to be with just a little nudge. Without rumble strips, by the time we realize our attention hasn’t been focused on what’s important, it may be too late, and a serious crash may be inevitable. Our relationships are too important to let that happen.
Ready to Rumble
So how do you go about setting up rumble strips in your relationship? Here are a few tips to help you keep your attention focused where it needs to be and increase the chances that your relationship has a long, satisfying road ahead.
Re-Paint the Lines Regularly - Relational roads, just like real roads take a beating. White and yellow lines that were once bright and clear begin to dull and fade over time making them hard to see. While we all have a general idea of where the lane lines are, it’s much easier to stay in your lane when the lines have a fresh coat of paint.
In order to keep your relationship in the right lane, the lane lines need to be clear to both partners. This means having regular conversations about your expectations and agreeing on the essential elements that are necessary for a healthy, fulfilling relationship. If you can’t tell when you’re solidly in your lane, you won’t be able to tell when you’re running off the road until it’s too late.
Get Ready to Rumble - Once you’ve painted the lines and clearly designated the lane you want to be in, it’s time to install your rumble strips. Sit down with your partner to determine what would be the earliest signs that you’ve taken your attention off your relationship road and are starting to veer? Skipping date nights? Working longer hours or avoiding coming home? Increased substance use? Irritability, sarcasm, or passive aggression? Seeking attention from an old fling (or maybe a new one)? Feeling lonely, depressed, or isolated? Identify them, write them down, and check them regularly. If you’re hitting your rumble strips, it’s time to wake up and get back between the lines.
Get Back on the Right Path - If you hit a rumble strip, don’t panic. While it’s not necessarily a good thing, it’s not bad thing either. Hitting a rumble strip means you’re still on the road. It means you’ve caught things early enough that it shouldn’t take much to get you back between the lines. For most couples this simply means refocusing on the relationship. We all have moments where we fall asleep or get distracted at the wheel of our relationship. It’s not that we don't know how to have a healthy relationship, it’s that we’ve lost our focus. Once we’re alert and refocused on the task at hand, it’s much easier to keep our eyes on the road.
How many relationships have crashed because partners took their eyes off the road and didn’t realize it until it was too late? At first glance, rumble strips might seem insignificant, but I know that they have saved both my life and my marriage more times than I would like to admit. While I don’t rely on them, I’m so thankful that they’re there for me when I need them. I’ve created a relationship that’s ready to rumble and I hope that you will too.
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Have a topic you’d like to hear about? Email me at Drjblair@gmail.com